Moving From Home
Well, it has taken me 40 years to get to this point. I am going to have an empty nest. My older children are 40, 38, and 36. When my 36 year old left for college I had a baby who was under a year old and still nursing.
Now I am helping my youngest son pack to move from home. He will be moving in with a roommate at college. He has lived as an only child for most of his life. He has had two rooms or more since we had several bedrooms. He will be moving into a little room with another person. I'm sure he will be fine!
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Me, my mom, and my son when he was a few days old.
It's mom and dad who are nearing a breakdown. Today when we where taking things out of his closet it hit me that he would never really live here again. I know he will come home on breaks, but he will never really live here again.
It was all I could do to keep from just going into a total meltdown. I don't want him to feel guilty about leaving. I want him to be excited about the new opportunities that will be coming his way.
He is going to college and will learn who he is and what he really wants to do with his life. That is what we raised him for. We are so proud of him and I know he will do fine.
Our life has been focused on him for almost 19 years. He was one of those kids who never sat in his room alone. He spend time watching TV with one of us. He talked to us all the time. We all ate dinner together almost every evening. He has been active in sports his entire life. I can probably count on my hands the number of his sporting events that I have ever missed. I spent summers traveling with him to play travel baseball.
The two of us in Switzerland last year
He has just been so close to my husband and I. He still comes into our room on weekends and sits on the bed and talks to us. My husband has been having an extremely hard time for a day or two. Now that things are being packed it makes it seem so real.
In a few days we will pack up everything and take him off to college. We will drive away and head home alone. We will go back to a house without any activity and a very sad dog will be waiting for us. She will miss him too!
I hope I can leave him without having a meltdown. I don't want to make him sad when we leave.
I have lunch plans the next day and plans with my daughter and grandson on the weekend. I will have to make plans to do lots of things over the next couple of weeks. This is going to be harder than I ever thought it would be.
My husband is the one who worries me. He wrote a letter to our son after he graduated to let him know how he felt about him. He is a very emotional person and takes things so hard. His mother has been really bad lately. We got through a spell where we though she was dying in the spring. She was able to pull out of that, but she is just getting weaker all the time. We took our son to see his grandmother on Sunday and when he left he said that will probably be the last time I get to see her. It's obvious that she is getting very weak.
If I don't write for a few days it will be because I am busy or I just don't feel like writing. I will try to write because it makes me feel better.
Hugs to you! I know exactly what you mean, only it was my oldest moving out. While sad to see them go...it seems as though you have a great relationship with a wonderful young man and that will never change! My son and I text each other daily just to say hi! Good luck to him and I am sure he will do great. Just remember...keep a smile on your face, until you get back to head home...the oldest used to have to go to visitation for two months every summer to see his dad and he knew I cried, but he never saw it. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Stacey! My son has been texting throughout the day, sometimes to me and sometimes to my husband. He has called us each night to let us know how he is doing and that he is making friends.
DeleteOhhh, I understand. We took our son to college last week and then went to Disney. I just couldn't go home to empty rooms and no him. Praying for you all through this transition!
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen! I will pray for you too! It was horrible coming back home to the house. We should have planned to go somewhere.
DeleteI totally feel your pain as this happened when our only child left home for college. Feels like grieving, which it is. You're grieving the end of all those years, yet celebrating your child. So bitterness. My best advice: cry when you need to and just live through the emotions. I can offer this: it gets better and soon, you'll come to a place that you enjoy (trust me, it doesn't feel like it now, but it will!). It's like you come back to the person you were before babies. It's an amazing shift. It's going to be OK. He's happy and ready because you got him to the point where he can make his own way into his own life. Never a goodbye, never forgotten, just a see you later.
ReplyDeleteHang in, momma and daddy!
Thanks Patti! I hope your right about it getting better quickly. We are both just having a hard time. We haven't been spending much time at home it is just too quiet.
DeleteCry. It's okay. Don't hide from it, or hide it from him. You will be okay; all of you. He WILL live there again. It will just be different. You and your husband will find new things to fill your time. Some together, some apart. Look at this as new opportunities for both of you, instead of doors closing. Glass half empty, or half full. Make your son proud!
ReplyDeleteTake the time to grief it, too. But just a little while. :)
We are going through the grief right now. I hope that it will get better soon. I hope that we can find things to fill our time and become more active with friends.
DeleteThings will get better. You will begin to replace your loneliness with so much pride in your handsome son's accomplishments. Obviously you did a wonderful job raising him and the rest of your life will be spent reaping those rewards. I wish you the very best!
ReplyDeleteThanks J! He is a great kid and I know he will do well.
DeleteIt is perfectly okay to feel the way you are feeling Betty...
ReplyDeleteYou have done a great job raising your son... he will definitely be home to visit... you all look and sound very close.
What is the age difference between all your children? I have 22 years between my two girls... that was plenty :)
There is 22 years between my first and last children. The first 3 were each 2 years apart and then an 18 year gap. Sounds like you have two families too!
DeleteOMG--that sounds awful, Betty. I'm glad I still have the 2 teen kids for a few more years. Good thing for Skype and texting and Facebook and airplane tickets. :D
ReplyDeleteYes, social media keeps us much closer. When my older kids went off to college they didn't have cell phones at the beginning. My daughter says she didn't have one until med school. Enjoy the time you have left with the kids, it goes so fast.
DeleteIt isn't easy to watch them leave and head down the road that is only theirs to travel... just take lots of Kleenex with you when you take him to school. Even if you somehow manage not to break down in front of him you will need it for the trip home. Each day will get easier and you have done a wonderful job -- or you wouldn't be as close as you are and it wouldn't hurt that much. Sending you a hug! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIt was so hectic at the school and I didn't cry at all. One of my older sons went with us to help move him and drive the truck because he thought we would be too emotional. He talked to me all the way home. I didn't break down until I walked back into the empty house.
DeleteOh Betty, my heart is with you! I went through this with my two oldest. It was especially hard when my first and oldest son left for the first tine. I held it together as long as I could but when it came time to say goodbye, I fell apart once I got to the car. It takes time but eventually you get used to them being away at college and it makes their vacations home even sweeter. We did a lot of skyping too, and that helped.
ReplyDeleteI went through this with my older children, but I think just knowing how much they change once they go off to school is hard to think about. The son that leaves us will not be the same one who comes back home. He will be so much more mature, which is great, but it will be a different relationship.
DeleteI remember those feelings so well. It's exactly what you've prepared him to do, but it's so hard to let them do it. You'll all be fine with time. And just think of all the things you can do now that you won't have any kids at home.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will get better in time. Right now, it is terrible. The house is so quiet. Not only is he gone, all of his events we attended are gone, along with all of his friends coming in and out of the house all the time. I feel like we will get old quickly. We have spent so much time around young people and that keeps you young.
DeleteThanks Amy! I have been trying to stay busy. I will spend the day with the little grandson tomorrow. I didn't cry when I left him. He was struggling with being left and I didn't want to make him more emotional. I will be happier when I know that he is adjusting and is feeling happy.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a blessing that you are losing your son to a good thing. You raised him well, you're both so close to him and now he's heading in the right direction. I'm sure you'll have very sad moments but at least you will have the comfort of knowing that he's carving out a nice future for himself in the long run.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should consider Skype, so that you can talk and see him whenever he's free. Life goes by so quickly at times and before you know it, he'll be back on a break.
Just make sure you give him a real good send off, something he'll remember for the rest of his life and pass down to his own kids one day. You've done well mate. Take the tissues, there will be lots of nose-blowing on that day.
It's quite rare to find tight-knit parental relationships nowadays. And reading this is not only refreshing but also very inspiring. Letting go of children as soon as they grow old can be saddening. But hey, they won't actually be leaving for good. Constant communication is always important. Anyway, keep the faith alive. Your son will be fine. More blessings to you and your family! :)
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