I have been living with men since my daughter went away to college in 1991. My older two sons were there for a few years and they could eat a whole extra large pizza and have six pack abs. I have my youngest son still at home now, 18, and hungry all the time. Of course, he too is thin! He doesn't have the natural, lanky, thinness my older boys have, he body builds. He is muscular and has a very narrow waist. The last man in my life is my husband, and no he isn't moving out next year, well not that he's mentioned yet. It going to be rough on him when our son leaves, it's his only child, and they are close. He could probably lose ten pounds, but he is not really concerned about it.
There always has to be loads of food around for them. They get hungry! They like to go out and eat!
This week we went to my son's dinner for being added to the academic hall of fame. They had dessert sitting on the table at each place. Well my son has given up sweets for Lent and I am trying to give up sweets for life. So, my husband takes all three dessert sand eats them. He can't let them go to waste. Like I said, he doesn't have a weight problem. If he feels like he is getting a little heavy, he cuts back for a couple of weeks and he's fine.
Wednesday night my son was busy, so my husband wanted to go out and eat. He had a coupon for a free dessert. We went out, I ate a healthy meal and then he orders his dessert. It is a chocolate molten cake with ice cream. It is huge! Of course, he wants to share! He is one of those people who is always sharing food off his plate. He has his feelings hurt when you don't accept. My son and I always tease him about it. Well, his feelings would get hurt if I didn't have some, so I took a few bites. Not a lot, just enough to keep him happy. Thankfully, it didn't give me sugar cravings. I really didn't each much at all.
Then comes Saturday evening. My husband and son are hungry. They want to go to a restaurant for an evening snack. My son isn't home very often on Saturday nights any more. So we go to Barnes and Noble for a while, then to a restaurant at nine o'clock.
Now, it's time for the morning after regrets! I stepped on the scale this morning! It's not my weigh-in day but I was curious. Not good! Not good at all. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
When I am with my daughter she eats so well. She has never been overweight in her life. Her husband is a cardiologist, they always eat healthy.
When my son moves out we are going to have a better selection of foods, my husband will just have to suffer. I know these are all just excuses, but they are the circumstances in which I live. I have told my husband that we should start sharing a meal when we go out instead of ordering two meals. Sometimes, we do. At times, he wants to eat things that are just not on my eating plan, eating if I just eat a part of it.
So, I am going to work harder at avoiding traps like this in the future. I will just order a salad and sit and smell their delicious hot foods. That's another problem for me, I really relish the smell of food. I think I have always had a good sense of smell, so when I smell something it starts working on my taste buds long before anything else. When it is cold I just am not excited about getting a salad. When it is hot outside a cold salad tastes refreshing, but not in the winter time. I need hot, spicy foods.
Ohhhhhhhhh I feel your pain! I have 2 adult sons living with us and they buy for themselves cookies and such. Yesterday I broke down and ate 2 chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies! Then my husband brought home some Mexican cookies and usually I can resist them but there was a unfrosted Mexican cupcake that had my name on it. Afterwards I had such a rush of sugar I thought I was having a heart attack.
ReplyDeleteHopefully I have learned my lesson.
Betty, out of curiosity, playing devil's advocate...why are your husband's feelings and 'needs' more important than your own? You are worried about hurting his feelings if you don't take a few bites of offered dessert off his plate. Why isn't he worried about hurting your attempts to eat healthy? From the outside looking in, it just seems unbalanced. Us wives and moms are so used to putting our own feelings and needs last. It's time we stand up for ourselves, our goals, our needs. You need to educate your husband. And although he doesn't have a weight problem, there can be no doubt that the junk he is eating, at his age, is not healthy for him. I think you need to have a loving, come-to-Jesus moment or 100 with him...explaining your needs, your goals, and that if he loves you, he won't keep tempting you. You can't control what he eats, but out of respect for you, he needs to stop trying to get you to eat his junk food. That is simply common courtesy. Don't ya think?
ReplyDeleteLadies, thanks for your comments and advice. I have given this a lot of thought. I don't want to give up the time spent with my husband and son. I enjoy that time tremendously. I don't feel that I can blame them for my choices. It is difficult to resist at times but I am the one making the choices. My husband has always associated feeding people with giving love. I understand that, his mother is the same way. I will have a talk with him about helping me to make better choices, and ask him to show his love to me in a way that will help me to be healthy. I don't want to hurt his feelings in any way, I just want him to see why I can't eat all of the things that aren't good for me. I know he wants me to be healthy.
DeleteWe have talked about his diet and I have been making healthy foods for both of the guys at home. They are appreciative of that. I brought some things in from EarthFare today and my son mentioned how the bags of food smell so much better when they come from there. I think it will be a transition for the whole family.
Betty, I think you misunderstood...I never asked you not to spend time with them, or not go with them. I didn't ask you to blame them for your choices. I simply suggested that they need to begin to respect your choices, and you need to gently lead them there. Just because your husband learned that trait from his mother doesn't mean
Delete1. it's right, or
2. he can't change, if given the opportunity and knowledge
I think it's a good that you are going to ask him to show his love to you in other ways that don't sabotage (even unknowingly) your efforts to get yourself healthier. :)
Betty, I agree with Gwen. But beyond Gwen's point--I do think that we should all "draw a line" when guys get far too dominant about *our* food choices that affect *our* health--which includes not going out if it comes down to that. Mostly, all we are saying is that your husband and kids need to respect that you are trying very hard and that support (vs. loving/friendly sabotage) greatly helps. If they want you to do well with your weight such that they want to support you, they will change their ways. ~Marion
DeleteHi Betty! I agree with Gwen. Your family needs to understand your needs. Often, I just let the boys of my family eat out by themselves because they are going to restaurants to gorge themselves and I really don't want to be part of that. When I am with them, they have learned to act differently. I've told them to not ask me to take bites and to respect that I'm only going to eat about 1/2 of my food and bring the rest home. My husband used to resent that, but now understands that I'm not going to eat with him unless he respects my rights to chose what I eat for myself.
ReplyDeleteYou can do that too. It makes eating around guys much easier.
:-) Marion
Ladies, thanks for your comments and advice. I have given this a lot of thought. I don't want to give up the time spent with my husband and son. I enjoy that time tremendously. I don't feel that I can blame them for my choices. It is difficult to resist at times but I am the one making the choices. My husband has always associated feeding people with giving love. I understand that, his mother is the same way. I will have a talk with him about helping me to make better choices, and ask him to show his love to me in a way that will help me to be healthy. I don't want to hurt his feelings in any way, I just want him to see why I can't eat all of the things that aren't good for me. I know he wants me to be healthy.
DeleteWe have talked about his diet and I have been making healthy foods for both of the guys at home. They are appreciative of that. I brought some things in from EarthFare today and my son mentioned how the bags of food smell so much better when they come from there. I think it will be a transition for the whole family.
People don't like change. You are important too, Betty. Claim your happiness:). Alice @ The Owl's Skull
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by Deezy Does It! Be sure to stop by every Friday for our link up :-)
ReplyDeleteXX XO,
Deezy
It is amazing that some people appear to be able to eat everything under the sun and others well, we have to waste our diet a little more. I have been on a mission to get as healthy as I can get since I am moving back to the states. I have doing well with just exercising, lots of water, and rewarding myself once a month for my hardwork. Don't deprive yourself so you can stick with your healthy living.
ReplyDeleteeating out makes it difficult to plan for your eating. The only thing you can do is try to plan the rest of your day better for these obstacles! This is about living and it doesn't sound like your family is going to change anytime soon....which means you have to figure out how to make it work for you!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to diet and cook for guys!! Kudos to you!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for linking up with past Aloha Friday Blog Hops!! I'm just now getting around to following everyone back. I've followed you via GFC & Bloglovin. If you have time, I hope you follow me back if you haven't already!!
The new Aloha Friday Blog Hop launches Thursday evening and we are hosting a GREAT giveaway!!! Come and check it out tomorrow! Aloha Friday Blog Hop HERE!
Aloha,
Jean {What Jean Likes}